Yesterday I read an article in Double X about a lawsuit involving libel and major players in the vaccination debate. The article wasn’t actually about vaccinations; it was about a vaccination safety advocate suing a vaccination supporter, and the author of the article ended up saying she was a supporter of the debate, even though she was a supporter of vaccinations. I wrote a comment in response saying how important I thought the debate was too. If it wasn’t for the efforts of vaccinations safety advocates, vaccinations would not be as safe as they are today. Long term studies on their effects wouldn’t be done, and who knows what kind of things would be in our vaccinations. As I did in this blog entry on vaccinations, I suggested an alternative to the current medical paradigm, and didn’t mention whether or not I’d vaccinated my own child. The response, as I anticipated, was harsh, but I was a little surprised at how harsh it was. And it wasn’t that it was aimed (sometimes) at me, but that it was aimed at the anti-vaccination crowd in general. It struck me how polarized mommyhood, like all politics, has become.
What I really don’t understand is why there is so much venom aimed at a different point of view. I think part of it is that we want to protect our children, and the vaccination debate brings out that protective instinct in droves. The thing is, like many other debates in mommyhood and elsewhere, there are so many shades of gray. In my own situation, although I am huge advocate of an alternative to our current medical paradigm, I realize there hasn’t been study and money poured into this area to develop the infrastructure and culture that would make overall health and wellness accessible to everyone. As much as I would like there to be an alternative to vaccinations, I realize that in many situations vaccinations are the best way to protect our children from scary and sometimes deadly diseases. I also realize that it’s completely irresponsible to simply skip vaccinations and put your own child and others in situations where diseases are easily transmitted and put everyone at higher risk. But often these gray subtleties get lost in the black and white debates, and sadly, I think the biggest losers in it are our children.
As the author of the Double X article said, debate is good. Hearing different points of view is good. Learning about what other people think about subjects is good. Opening our minds to look outside what we currently believe is good, even if it means we ultimately decide it’s not the thing for us and we return to what we previously held. With the internet, debate is certainly alive and well, but in many places it’s become so polarized and just downright mean. The anonymity of postings allows people to say things that they might otherwise not say, and perhaps gives them the confidence to say that in their real lives. Reading snarky opinions of others emboldens people to say in real life what they otherwise might not. But those snarky opinions lose the subtleties of arguments and the shades of gray that help people understand the other points of view.
Ultimately, we are all trying to do the best for our children. We have different lives, different circumstances, different beliefs, and we just want our kids to be happy and successful. I hope Mama Eve helps some people find that path, whether they embrace every part of what I write about or not. I was actually happy yesterday when I read this comment from reader Erica disagreeing with my assessment of “Your Baby Can Read!”. I’m not a fan of the program or others that claim to turn your child into a genius, but she pointed out she used it as a tool to spend some quality time with her child, and that it worked well for them. Besides being a great suggestion, it was a reminder that a truth has much less to do with what something is than the lens through which we view it.
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Emily Rather said,
January 7, 2010 @ 1:29 pm
I, too, believe the debate is important. It seems as each generation passes, we are inclined to question our parents’ approach to living life, including views about health and medical care. Admittedly, we have made mistakes with some medical ‘advances’. Even so, the human race is living longer than ever before in recorded history. Certainly we can attribute this accomplishment to our ongoing questioning and debating over how to improve the length and quality of life.
As we all know, medical treatments (even ‘natural’ ones) almost always have side-effects. Some are bothersome, some are not. Some cause a person to decide the risk outweighs the benefit, others decide it does not. An individual has the right to choose what medical treatment is appropriate for them, including the choice to refuse treatment.
When the choice becomes that of a parent on behalf of their child, the debate becomes more heated. Why? I believe much of the fuel comes from worst case scenario anecdotes. Cases of uneducated, drug-addicted, abusive, or severely mentally ill parents making ignorant or ill-informed choices for children they are unable or unwilling to responsibly care for. Intervention in these cases, I believe, can be appropriate. For the rest of us, (and I would like to believe — the majority of us) who are responsible and loving parents, intervention should rarely become necessary. After all, what good parent wants their child to suffer or die? Who better to protect the interests of a child than the ones who love the child like no other and would suffer the greatest if something horrible were to happen? If each responsible, loving parent makes a choice for their child, others must respect that choice. But how do we make the right choice?
Ultrasounds, fetal monitoring, homebirth, co-sleeping, circumcision, vaccination – controversial subjects I began to research when I learned I was pregnant. Obviously, the first place I looked was the internet. After hours and hours of searching, reading article after article, interpreting data from study after study, and then poring over stacks of books, I was left feeling like everything was ‘good’ and everything was ‘bad’. Without conducting my very own controlled studies on these subjects, I really couldn’t be sure what choice was 100% right.
That is when I realized that much of the time there is no right or wrong choice. As responsible parents, all we can do is sift through the information available, and look for the reasons why something might be beneficial in our own case or not. That is when we make our informed opinion. Can we really say we are truly informed without looking at both sides of a debate?
I don’t think so. Before I began my research, this was my scorecard: Ultrasounds: Good; Fetal Monitoring: Good; Homebirth: Good; Co-sleeping: Bad; Circumcision: Good; Vaccination: Not Sure, but tending toward Bad. All of these scores but one, for vaccination, (due to concerns about Autism) came from my upbringing. After my research, I decided to limit ultrasounds and fetal monitoring. I did have a homebirth, and it was wonderful. I decided to try co-sleeping, and so far it has been great. I decided not to circumcise unless it becomes necessary. I decided to vaccinate, (except for the H1N1 and seasonal flu vaccines) since members of our family (and hopefully soon, my son included) travel out of the country. So, with the exception of my view of Homebirth, all of my views changed on these subjects. That doesn’t mean I was closed to examining the arguments against homebirth. I did take some time to do so. Out of fear and uncertainty I initially planned a hospital birth (a Birth Center within a hospital), even seeking most of my prenatal care there. But after much consideration, I determined a homebirth was the best choice for me.
Not only did my research enable me to make what I feel are reasonably good choices, it made me realize that another person just as informed could make a completely different choice –and that’s okay. My mind had been made up based on my parents’ opinions, then changed and was made more open by reasoning through arguments from both sides of the debates. I am not so militant about what I think is right anymore. It seems many involved in debates on these subjects have simply given in to mob mentality. Still, there’s nothing like hearing or reading a baseless, venomous rant to incite others to brush up on a subject.
Mama Eve said,
January 12, 2010 @ 10:38 am
I’m so glad you shared how your opinions changed as you learned more about different subjects. Part of being confident parents is being able to say our original thoughts/opinions weren’t really what we first thought. Good for you!
Rebekah said,
January 8, 2010 @ 11:48 am
My first piece of advice to new expecting moms- is to do what they know is best for them and thier families. There is so much information out there… and so many different points of view… but it comes down to life experiances we’ve had and what things we hope and want for our families. I too believe that most people just want to do the best they can- but we should be supporting the learning that leads to that instead of shooting different idea’s down. I’m hoping our generation of Mom’s will be less like cat fights and more like a sorority?! And with Blogs like this one and other’s… I think we are on that path! let the knowledge begin! =O)
Mama Eve said,
January 12, 2010 @ 10:36 am
Love this comment (and not just because she gives kudos to Mama Eve)! The best gift we can give to our children is to be confident parents. We are all doing the best we can with what we know!